How To Belong To a Disabled Community When Not Disabled?
Wednesday, December 16th, 2009 at
11:49 pm
I have this dilemma that I’m trying to understand better. I built a website to help the people choose mobility scooters. People have commented on how much help my website has been to help them with their mobility — so it seems I’m contributing to their lives. I’m not disabled so count on other disabled people to educate me on their biggest mobility challenges. Somehow, not being disabled feels like I don’t belong, or that my solutions don’t count. I don’t work in my daily life around disabled, only online with my website. I’m trying to understand how to feel like I belong to the disabled community, without being disabled. I want to feel at home.
I do not want to discourage you but there are certain PWDs that will always see you as an "Outsider" and that you do not belong to the PWD Community since you are not a PWD.
But there are other certain PWDs that will see you as a partner with the PWD Community.
To help you to feel more comfortable of interacting with the PWD Community here are some suggestions for you.
1. Shadow a PWD for a week to see what it is like for the PWD to daily live with a Disability.
2. Go to open PWD events.
3. Socialize with PWDs as much as you can.
4. Learn about PWD issues that the PWD Community is dealing with.
5. Learn about the People First Language (PFL) and learn to speak PFL. Certain PWDs do prefer PFL and other certain PWDs do not prefer PFL.
6. ALWAYS let the PWD take the lead in what labels they want to be referred by.
7. Do NOT call PWDs any "PWD Insider Labels".
8. Learn PWD Etiquette for Non-PWDs.
9. Learn PWD social rules.
10. Do not assume anything about a PWD.
11. Ask before helping a PWD.
12. Do not be patronizing.
13. Do not be condescending.
14. Do not look down at PWDs.
15. Do not act like a "Do-Gooder".
16. Do not see PWDs and Disabilities through the negative stereotyped attitudes/ideals that mainstream society has about PWDs and Disabilities.
17. Do not use the "Special", "Special Needs", and "Special Person(s)". Various PWD including myself that hate and despise the phrases "Special", "Special Needs", and "Special Person(s)" due to the reasons that the word "Special" translates into "Segregation" and that PWDs are different and not normal. PWDs do not want to be seen as different and special. PWDs want to be seen as normal persons who just so happen to have Disabilities.
18. Get to know PWDs as persons and as friends instead of knowing PWDs just because of their Disabilities.
19. Respect PWDs for who and what they are as persons.
20. Learn about Disability Culture.
21. Learn about Disability History.
These suggestions is meant to help you to better understand PWDs and the PWD Community. Knowledge Is Power! The more knowledge you have about PWDs, Disabilities, and the PWD Community, the more comfortable you will feel around PWDs, Disabilities, and the PWD Community and the more personal interaction that you have with PWDs, the more comfortable you will feel around PWDs, Disabilities, and the PWD Community.
Since you are a Non-PWD, you will never completely understand on what it is like to be a PWD and to live with a Disability.
Please do not pretend to be a PWD by walking with a cane or spending a day in a wheelchair just to see what it is like to be a PWD because various PWDs do consider this to be offensive and you will NEVER experience the full experience of being a PWD with a Disability.
You will never feel completely at home within the PWD Community due to the fact that you are not a PWD. The only way that you can feel somewhat at home within the PWD Community is dependent on the amount of knowledge that you have about PWDs, Disabilities, and the PWD Community and is also dependent on personal interaction and socialization with PWDs.
Even though you might be providing a service for the PWD Community, please remember that you are not one of "us" in the sense that you are not a PWD and that you do not belong to the PWD Community in the sense that you are not a PWD.
I hope that you will find my advice to be helpful and beneficial.
Have a good day!
Socializing with disabled people in your daily life would probably be your best bet.
Well, I think you need to remember those who have gave you positive feed back. Until your disabled you really can’t feel at home, you know?
Trust me, anyone that helps me with like opening a door or whatever get’s my appreciation. I’m often embarrassed so I tend to just say thank you really fast.
I have noticed that there is a large segment of the PWD community who just hate life & all that are not in a chair are their enemies in their minds. I don’t want to be a part of that world. I’ll stay in the world of people who are courteous & helpful to ALL groups of people. I’m disabled & not yet in a chair….but headed there. It will have to be motorized due to my other health conditions. Then I will be probably be told that I don’t have a REAL wheel chair like the other PWD’s do.
My point is that I don’t think you will be able to do much… other than just be a great store owner/manager who concentrates on customer service & guarantees the product you sell.
I have had my own business before becoming disabled & having a customer who is happy with your product is better than having one who is your friend.
Unless you have a counseling degree, ask yourself if you can take on another full time job of having to deal with the countless issues & non issues that are currently piled upon the PWD by other PWD’s in the PWD community.
Ask yourself: Do you want to have all your customers bombarding you with all that you see on this website? I know I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t feel at home. I just want to buy my chair & be able to bring it back for quick servicing.
That’s only how I feel about the issue. I can’t speak for anyone else. It’s very diverse & very hostile in some circles. I wish you much luck in your quest & in your business & with your question.
I’m going to have agree with MS2 for the most part. There are some PWD who are borderline militant in their beliefs, and demand that you change your behavior. If you fail to do so then are deemed an evil outsider and you are clearly a bad person for not letting them have their way.
Personally I feel that having to use People First Language when dealing with PWD is very patronizing and condescending. If I see you as an equal human being I’m going to treat you same as I treat everyone else, disabled or not. I’m not going to dumb it down or make it more politically correct. By definition that’s unequal, (and somewhat undignified) treatment.
When dealing with anyone, PWD or not, my policy is to treat you and address you equally. I don’t buy into that PC BS.
I would approach it from a business angle. Send a follow up survey after a month, asking if your product has helped, if they can suggest any improvements, that sort of thing.
There are two rules of thought – with little between.
Personally, I think you have proven yourself to be a member of our community already. You do not need to be a card carrying member to have decided that this is the community you want to call home.
To me what it all boils down to is respect. If you respect people with disabilities as individuals and not as some monolithic group of beings, and listen – you are welcome.
My ex wife was not lesbian, nor am I gay, but after many years of work and helping with events we were accepted by both groups.
We took up two causes, breast cancer and aids. The way things work here, we have events for gay men and lesbian women through out the year. The gay men raise money for aids, we worked, not only at the events but through the year for that cause. The lesbians worked for breast cancer funds, we were there for that too. Both events and year round work got us into those groups and accepted as part of the cause.
I know it’s not exactly the same, but getting out and being recognized as part of the solution to any problem does work over time. You have to work hard, but the hard work pays off in the end, and you can feel good about yourself for what you are doing.
Just my thoughts
Each day for one week, impose a disability upon yourself. My disability is my right arm, so the first day do without your right hand. Even wiping the butt and brushing the teeth.
The next day, try a more debilitating disability, like a pebble in your shoe or crutches and so on for the week. Take notes and/or write in a journal, try not to focus on the feelings of failure and frustration as you have to forgo many inaccessible places and activities. When confronted with feelings concerning disability, you will have some first hand experience with the needs and obstacles faced daily by many.
Before I became a PWD 10 years ago I met one of my greatest friends who is a PWD. I never treated her differently and she was very capable of doing a lot by herself. I was having some health issues so we actually were in the same gym class together. There was another guy who was paralyzed from the waist down and I would always help him when needed and when I got so use to my friends it wasn’t a matter of "asking" anymore what they needed. I just knew what my friends needed when they needed it. My paralyzed friend sometimes would get his chair stuck and I would get it out when needed
(funny story about him. We swear our gym teacher was gay and he made us go to the weight room a lot. He purposely blocked in my friend’s wheelchair and he was stuck there lifting weights to build more arm muscle. The gym teacher started doing these weird crunches where you could see the gym teachers rear end. I just looked at the HORROR on my friend’s face when he realized that had to be the worst place to be stuck! I ran over immediately for his aid and in a very silent and scared voice he thanked me sooooo much!)
But as luck had it my life made a turn for the worse and the inevitable happened. Although I still can (painful but I can) use my legs and sometimes with the aide of a cane I look back at the friends I had helped who were in a wheelchair. Their lives weren’t less lived, they had great lives! My paralyzed friend was a great basketball player (and he was sooo cute too!!!!) and although I only knew him one year, would never forget him. My other friend after 10 years we are still friends but she knows the issues I gained. I just know regardless if I am going to eventually need mobility assistance I would not be afraid.
I believe your life changes when you are friends with PWD and you realize it’s not a big deal to liv for them. They get use to it and have wonderful lives! I met a PWD who is black belt tai jut su and I don’t wanna see him kick anyones’ butt but I heard that he is amazing at what he does. Hang around us for awhile, you’ll understand that we are people and anyone could welcome and appreciate the love and help you can give. Even some of us can Tell you what our biggest issues are and maybe that would give you ideas on how to better your scooters.
I know my biggest concern is that my overall balance is off so if I did lose ability to walk I would be afraid of falling to the side. Take that into consideration
Why do you make a distinction between the disabled community any other community? Why not just think in terms of the human community? Disabled people are humans and are a part of the human community. So, wouldn’t that make you a part of the human community along with the disabled? There is no technique to belong to any community other loving all humans and treating them respectfully. Just think of how you want to be treated and treat everyone else like you want to be treated. You are not a perfect human just as disabled people are not perfect. Everyone has an imperfection which could be considered a disability, whether it’s a low IQ, hearing disabilities, poor eyesight, Etc. It’s a matter of how it affects your life. Remember the Golden Rule?
I am not at all sporty and not a fan of practice it… but I heard that eg there are some sport teams who are playing basketball in wheelchair and that are such usual sport clubs and there can also nondisabled people take part – they just have to sit in wheelchair- I guess you can borrow a wheelchair there. There was in my location an open day of such club and I was there just to see what it is along a nondisabled friend of mine and they said he could join too… He wanted join if I had joined… but I didn’t so he hadn’t too… but they had agreed… you know what I mean?